Whose Line - Cartoon All-Stars SEGMENT 2

WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY – THE CARTOON ALL-STARS DAZZLER

featuring Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks, Phineas Flynn from Phineas and Ferb , Daffy Duck from The Looney Tunes Show and Goofy.

SECOND SEGMENT

(Audience applause)

DREW: Okay, welcome back to the Whose Line Is It Anyway Cartoon All-Stars Edition. Now, a question for you guys at home. If Bugs Bunny proposed to Lola, would he give her an 18-carrot ring?

(Everyone laughs except Daffy)

DAFFY: (sarcastically) Oh, ho, ho, ho. Alwayth that thtupid rabbit gettin’ the laugth!

DREW: Don’t take it so hard, Daffy. You’ll get some laughs as well.

BUGS BUNNY: (from audience) Getting laughed at, perhaps?

(Cautious laughing from the rest of the audience)

DAFFY: Watch it, buth-ter!

DREW: Well, how do you like that! Bugs Bunny, everyone!

(Audience applauds; Daffy claps sarcastically)

DREW: Okay, after all that, let’s continue with Song Styles, and this one’s for Daffy, with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor!

(Audience applauds for Laura and Linda)

DREW: And Daffy is going to sing a song about anything that the audience here will suggest. So what I need is a suggestion of something that makes people happy.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS: (Various suggestions, including “money”)

DREW: Okay, we’ll go with money. Something you know a lot about; right, Daffy?

DAFFY: Oh, natural-actually, thir!

DREW: Now, a musical style to go with it.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS: (Various suggestions, including “street rap”)

DREW: Okay, you’ll be doing a song about money in the form of a street rap.

DAFFY: Thtreet rap? No thweat, Drew!

DREW: Take it away, Laura and Linda.

(Laura and Linda start playing a funky street-rap rhythm)

DAFFY:
Money ith full of dollarth and thenth,
Or euroth and poundth, what’th the differenth!

You can find it in bankth, cathinoth and more,
The more I take, I’ll hit the floor!

When cointh go together, they make a clink,
I’ll take a thouthand of them, that’th what I think!

Wadth of billth, don’t call me a crackpot,
With all that cash, I’ll hit the jackpot!

Conthider this, Drew Carey ith rich,
And hith thalary will make you twitch.

But look at thith duck, it ithn’t fair!
I’d rather trump Drew and be a trillionaire!

Word up and rethpect! Pluth takth.

(Audience laughter and applause)

DREW: Excellent work, Daffy. Definitely not dethpicable!

DAFFY: You’re tellin’ me?

DREW: A thousand points for that effort, and a few extra points commission on the side.

DAFFY: (delighted) Yeah, bud!

DREW: Let’s now do a game called News Flash; this is for Phineas, Alvin and Goofy. Phineas and Alvin are two news anchors in a studio, while Goofy is on location reporting on something. But Goofy gets to stand in front of a green screen (Goofy does so) – all he can see behind him is green. Meanwhile, Phineas and Alvin, the audience and you at home can see what’s going on behind him, and Goofy has to figure out what is happening. So, take it away!

(Author’s note – Just to save time and add suspense [again!], the answer will be listed later)

PHINEAS: (to Alvin, as if whispering) How long do I sauté those carrots for?

ALVIN: (to Phineas, also as if whispering) Oh, probably ten minutes would be enough for—

(Alvin suddenly “realises” that he and Phineas are on camera)

ALVIN: (clearing throat) We bring you some news just in. Goofy is out on location, and boy is it big news out there!

PHINEAS: Are you there, Goofy?

(Audience regularly laughs and reacts to what’s happening behind Goofy)

GOOFY: Yes, I’m here, and I never thought this would get such a reaction! It’s all happening here!

ALVIN: I’m sure of it! Goofy, how did all this craziness start?

GOOFY: Well, you could say that it started with a few strokes of an animator’s pen, and then everything broke loose!

PHINEAS: Yes, I can see that. How are you managing to stand perfectly still throughout this ordeal?

GOOFY: I’ve got two legs, haven’t I? Besides, reporters have to be right in it for the action!

ALVIN: But you’re not taking “wind” of the situation, are you? Not taking in all the “twists” and turns?

GOOFY: Well… yes. But playing it cool like all other reporters.

PHINEAS: Well, I never! Let’s just say some of the other guys there are “playing it” cool just like you. How can that be?

GOOFY: Easy! A cup of coffee, a cookie and a good lie down.

ALVIN: Now, everyone’s just “hanging on” for a bit more action but STILL playing it cool! How can you describe that?

(By this time, Goofy finally realises what’s been happening)

GOOFY: Well, if that tornado can’t stop a band concert, nothing can!

DREW: (buzzing) Goofy! I can’t believe it, I was just about to ask!

(Audience laughter and applause as Alvin, Phineas and Goofy head back to their chairs)

DREW: Yes, Goofy, it was the tornado scene from “The Band Concert”. Thought we’d take a trip back Memory Lane for this one.

GOOFY: Gawrsh, just seems like yesterday with that tornado!

DREW: A thousand points to everyone, plus a thousand for Daffy even though he didn’t play the game.

DAFFY: (to camera, aside) It’th becauth thith show and I are both with Warner Brotherth, and I have a contract to keep it that way!

DREW: I might take those points back!

DAFFY: (aghast) WHAT!?

DREW: Anyway, now for another change of pace. We’ll do a game called Scenes from a Hat!

(Audience cheers as Drew gets his “Uncle Sam” top hat onto the desk)

DREW: This is for everyone, split into two; Phineas and Goofy go to that side, and Alvin and Daffy here. We have a whole bunch of cards with suggestions for scenes written by the audience. I pull a card out, read a scene and you should do a quick act.

ALVIN: Oh, this’ll be tough.

DAFFY: That’th the idea!

DREW: Okay, first one out of the hat: “Is that a ghost in the house?”

(Alvin and Daffy walk to centre stage)

DAFFY: Thay, Alvin, do you hear that?

PHINEAS and GOOFY: (ghost noises)

DAFFY: Thoundth like a ghotht!

ALVIN: No, it’s the Chippettes rehearsing next door!

(Daffy and Alvin “run away” screaming)

(Drew buzzes)

DREW: They sound that bad, huh?

ALVIN: (feigning embarrassment) Only kidding!

DREW: All right. Next card – “Self-help books for cartoon characters.”

(Each character walks to the centre of stage and pretends to pick out a book from a shelf.)

PHINEAS:  “How To Tell What Ferb Is Thinking Without Even Trying.”

DAFFY: Hmm, “101 Rabbit Thtew Delighth.”

BUGS BUNNY: (from audience) I heard that!

(Audience laughter)

GOOFY: (chuckling) “How to Use Your Big Teeth as a Can Opener.”

ALVIN: “Scream DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE! And You’ll Feel Much Better.”

AUDIENCE: (as if doing what Alvin suggested) DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!

ALVIN: (to audience) Feel better?

AUDIENCE: Yeah!

ALVIN: Pity.

(Audience laughter)

DAFFY: “How Pressing Buzzers Will Help Ease Tension.”

(Drew presses the buzzer for about 10 seconds while Daffy pretends to mouth other suggestions)

DAFFY: (to Drew) Yeah, very funny, Drew.

DREW: Okay, next one – (reading another card) “Things you will always answer ‘Yes!’ to.”

ALVIN: “Would you like Ten hula hoops?”

PHINEAS: (imitating some random adult) “Aren’t you a bit young to do Whose Line games?” My answer – Yes, yes I am.

(Audience laughs and applauds)

GOOFY: “Will you do that laugh for me?” Trust me, it never gets old! (does his laugh)

DAFFY: “Aren’t you that little black duck who alwayth get-th blathted by Elmer Fudd at the wortht moment-th?”

(Elmer Fudd appears and shoots Daffy in the face; Daffy’s beak ends up on top of his head; wild audience laugher)

DAFFY: (after fixing his beak) Oh, ho-ho-ho. Nexth thing Bugth Bunny will coerth me into thaying, “It’th DUCK theathon, and I thay FIRE!”

(Elmer shoots Daffy again, and his beak is now around his neck.)

DAFFY: (irritated) Ah, I give up!

DREW: (buzzes) Okay, we’ll let Daffy and co settle down, and we’ll be back with more Whose Line right after this! Don’t go away!

(Drew throws his top hat off camera; the hat slices Daffy’s beak clean off much to the audience’s amusement.)